The word “carer” conjures a particular image: someone patient, selfless, unwavering. Society loves this image. It praises it, films it, writes tributes to it. What it rarely does is ask the carer: Are you okay?
You will grieve someone who is still alive
Loss is not only the property of death. When someone you love is changed by mental illness — when their personality shifts, when the relationship you once had becomes unrecognisable — you grieve. This is called ambiguous loss, and it is one of the least validated forms of grief.
This grief is real. It deserves to be named and witnessed, not minimised.
You will sometimes feel resentment — and that doesn’t make you a bad person
Resentment is a signal. It says: I have given more than I have received. I am running on empty. Something needs to change. Listening to that signal — without drowning in the shame of it — is an act of wisdom, not cruelty.
You will become an amateur expert in something you never asked to learn
Most carers become, without formal training, part social worker, part researcher, part crisis counsellor. This expertise is invisible. No one pays you for it. But it is real — and it deserves to be honoured.
Your own mental health is at significant risk
Research consistently shows that unpaid carers are at substantially higher risk of developing anxiety, depression, and burnout. This is not a personal failing. It is a predictable consequence of sustained stress without adequate support.
One of the most exhausting parts of caregiving is the effort of explaining it to people who don’t understand. The Olivet Insights Community exists to take that burden away. You can simply arrive, and be known. 🤍